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March 2009
WATCHMEN

by Kam William

MISS MARCH

Distributor: Fox Searchlight
Director: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
Screenwriters: Zach Cregger & Trevor Moore
Cinematographer: Anthony B. Richmond
Composer: Jeff Cardoni
Cast: Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore, Raquel Alessi, Molly Stanton, Craig Robinson, Hugh M. Hefner
Rating: R (Profanity, Sexual Situations, Drugs, Nudity)

   










Teens Search for Playboy Playmate in Raunchy Road Comedy

High school seniors Eugene Pratt (Zach Cregger) and Tucker Cleigh (Trevor Moore) are best friends, despite the fact that the former is celibate, while the latter is a shameless misogynist who openly boasts openly about having already slept with a dozen different women. Eugene and his girlfriend, Cindi Whitehall (Raquel Alessi) have been very vocal proponents of abstinence because his big brother not only got a woman pregnant the first time he had sex, but ended up with the clap to boot.

But since they’re about to graduate, and they’ve been dating for two and a half years, Cindi suggests that they finally make love the night of the Prom. Eugene reluctantly agrees, but then gets so drunk on Jack Daniels that he spoils the big moment by falling down a flight of stairs and ending up in a coma.

Much has changed by the time Tucker brings him around four years later by cracking a baseball bat over his head. For, Cindi just happens to be naked in the current issue of Playboy Magazine where she is featured as Playmate of the Month.

Furthermore, she’s living out in L.A. at the Playboy Mansion with Hugh Hefner and the rest of his harem. And to add insult to injury, Eugene learns that she’s no longer a virgin from a former classmate-turned-gangsta’ rapper who goes by the monicker Horsedick MPEG (Craig Robinson).

The foulmouthed MPEG has catchy hit songs at the top of the charts with titles like “I’m going to [f-word] a white bitch” and “Suck my [d-word] while I [f-word] that [a-word]. Charming. One of the most reprehensible African-American characters in the history of cinema, he actually celebrates that fans were killed at his CD release party.

Even more disgusting is the scene where, upon learning that Eugene is still a virgin, he orders Crystal (Tanjareen Martin) a woman in his entourage to “Get in here and have sex with this dude.” Sadly, the attractive sister simply obliges, immediately taking off her top to try to seduce the stranger, only to die suddenly when an act of God intervenes. .

This is no surprise, since it’s obvious that Eugene is supposed to save himself for his long-lost sweetheart. After all, that’s the whole point of Miss March, a raunchy road comedy co-written and co-directed by co-stars Cregger and Moore.

Will Cindi see the error of her ways and want Eugene back, or has she been irreversibly turned into a wanton blonde bimbo only too willing to be seen as a sex object? Who cares? This relentlessly insulting and offensive flick attempts to redeem itself with 11th-hour moralizing after every frame up to the end had been a wholesale celebration of the debasement of females and the stereotyping of blacks as depraved?

I‘m done.