Conan the Barbarianby Wilson Morales
While the opening scenes suggest that this latest version of ‘Conan the Barbarian’ may come close or be better that the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger version, the rest of the film, converted to 3D, falls prey to today’s standards of cheap thrills and clichés that makes one wish that they stayed home and watched Arnold’s film again.
Despite Morgan Freeman’s narration and a couple of action sequences, Marcus Nispel’s take on ‘Conan’ doesn’t have enough substance to merit a viewing.
With newbie action star Jason Momoa in the lead role, the physical appearance is covered when compared to Arnold’s, but the difference between the two men is that Arnold was always a force to be reckoned with. In the 1982 film, as young as he was, Arnold displayed a sense of toughness, an emotionless brute ready to conquer the world.
Momoa’s take, as guided by a poor script and direction, makes Conan tamed and easy to handle. Let’s just say that he’s no carbon copy. When he’s not fighting, he’s drinking and picking up women with his trusted friend Artus (played by Nonso Anozie).
The film begins when Conan was born on the battlefield through C-section. His mother died after seeing his birth. Raised and learning to be like his warrior dad (played by Ron Perlman), Conan (played by Leo Howard) is quick with his fighting skills when he single-handedly kills a group of attackers, led by Khalar Zym (played by Stephen Lang). When Zym, along with the half-witch, half-human daughter Marique, comes back to search for an item that will give him some sort of mystic powers, Conan watches as his father is killed and vows vengeance.
Now an adult and still searching for Zym, Conan (played by Momoa) comes into contact with woman (played by Rachel Nichols), who happens to the person Zym has been searching for years. Turns out, she’s a descendant of an ancient sorcerer and has the pure blood Zym needs to bring back the dead, including his wife.
In protecting Tamara, Conan must rely on a few allies and trust in his strength to outwit and overpower Zym and Marique (played by Rose McGowan).
What doesn’t work in the film is the dialogue. This is a situation where the less said the better. It’s not that the 1982 film was great, and it was far from it; but that’s what made Arnold stand out. Action speaks louder than words. When Jason fights, the film moves. It’s what the audience came to see.
After remaking ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ and ‘Friday the 13th,’ Nispel chooses this film to go soft on the violence. Yes, there’s bloodshed, but little and not much to make one squirm. Also, his attempt to lighten the film by injecting some humor in a scene or two is off-putting.
There’s no problem with Lang as Zym, but he was better as the villain in ‘Avatar.’ His character is a bit soft here and less menacing.
Overall, if you were coming to see this in 3D, it’s not worth it. There’s no scene that pops in your face or landscape that looks great. The action scenes get repetitive after a while and loses interest.
